I am a thirty-seven year old college student, wife, and mother to
a teenager. I find myself in awe at how we are raising our children
today, and I witness the consequences every day in class with the young
students just starting out in college, and I worry about what the future
holds for them as adults.
In my college life, I find myself surrounded by children who have nothing but excuses and no idea what it means to be held accountable for their actions. I listen to these students insult teachers because they, the students, were held accountable for not completing an assignment or not showing up to class. The TEACHER is a bad person because she would not listen to the excuses given as to why the work was not completed. "I can't believe she won't even let me turn it in for partial credit. I had no idea it was due today." STOP! Yes, you did know. You knew about all assignments and expectations from the teacher when she passed out the syllabus the first day of class. Forty-five minutes of the class was spent going through every single paragraph on the syllabus to help ensure you, as a student, understand what her expectations were, when assignments were due, and any penalties associated with incomplete work.
In my "mom life", I find myself surrounded by parents who reward children for nothing. Trophies and medals are given to kids who lose competitions. Where did the sense of competition go? Where is the drive or motivation for kids to improve if you are rewarding them for losing? I was told by another parent, "we don't want the kids to feel bad about losing. It hurts their feelings." Yes, losing hurts. I get it, but rewarding them for the loss isn't really teaching them anything either. Who likes to lose? At this rate, these kids like to lose because they get a prize; therefore, why even bother trying to make yourself better at anything when in the end you are going to get a prize anyway? I also find myself surrounded by parents who reward their children when they throw temper tantrums. UNBELIEVABLE! Yes, let's teach the child to throw a fit and get rewarded.
Let's take a step further. Consequences for our actions has disappeared as well. I was listening to an angry parent ranting about how their sixteen year old was unable to get his driver's license because the police are incompetent idiots who have nothing better to do than to make life miserable for kid. Apparently, several months prior to turning 16, this young man, with the permission of his mother, decided to take his golf cart across a busy four-lane highway to go to McDonald's. Take a moment to really think about this now. Police caught him and gave him a ticket. Along with the ticket came instructions: pay the fine and go to traffic school. The ticket was paid. The traffic school was ignored. By not completing the traffic school, the child was not able to get his license when he turned 16. Somehow this was now the police officer's fault. The parents jumped through hoops for that child to get his license on time. What consequences did he have for his actions? None, and the police officer was a horrible man for doing his job. This is only one example. I hear parents of elementary through high school continually make excuses as to why their child is never at fault. No consequences sure does look like a reward to me.
So, now I come full circle back to the kids I am going to college with. Am I really all that surprised? We have parents rewarding children for doing nothing, throwing temper tantrums, and doing wrong. We are teaching our children to make excuses for their actions rather than take responsibility and learn from them. Quit making excuses for your children, you are only hurting them not helping them. Let them learn through loss and mistakes, otherwise you could be limiting their ability to be a productive member of society.
In my college life, I find myself surrounded by children who have nothing but excuses and no idea what it means to be held accountable for their actions. I listen to these students insult teachers because they, the students, were held accountable for not completing an assignment or not showing up to class. The TEACHER is a bad person because she would not listen to the excuses given as to why the work was not completed. "I can't believe she won't even let me turn it in for partial credit. I had no idea it was due today." STOP! Yes, you did know. You knew about all assignments and expectations from the teacher when she passed out the syllabus the first day of class. Forty-five minutes of the class was spent going through every single paragraph on the syllabus to help ensure you, as a student, understand what her expectations were, when assignments were due, and any penalties associated with incomplete work.
In my "mom life", I find myself surrounded by parents who reward children for nothing. Trophies and medals are given to kids who lose competitions. Where did the sense of competition go? Where is the drive or motivation for kids to improve if you are rewarding them for losing? I was told by another parent, "we don't want the kids to feel bad about losing. It hurts their feelings." Yes, losing hurts. I get it, but rewarding them for the loss isn't really teaching them anything either. Who likes to lose? At this rate, these kids like to lose because they get a prize; therefore, why even bother trying to make yourself better at anything when in the end you are going to get a prize anyway? I also find myself surrounded by parents who reward their children when they throw temper tantrums. UNBELIEVABLE! Yes, let's teach the child to throw a fit and get rewarded.
Let's take a step further. Consequences for our actions has disappeared as well. I was listening to an angry parent ranting about how their sixteen year old was unable to get his driver's license because the police are incompetent idiots who have nothing better to do than to make life miserable for kid. Apparently, several months prior to turning 16, this young man, with the permission of his mother, decided to take his golf cart across a busy four-lane highway to go to McDonald's. Take a moment to really think about this now. Police caught him and gave him a ticket. Along with the ticket came instructions: pay the fine and go to traffic school. The ticket was paid. The traffic school was ignored. By not completing the traffic school, the child was not able to get his license when he turned 16. Somehow this was now the police officer's fault. The parents jumped through hoops for that child to get his license on time. What consequences did he have for his actions? None, and the police officer was a horrible man for doing his job. This is only one example. I hear parents of elementary through high school continually make excuses as to why their child is never at fault. No consequences sure does look like a reward to me.
So, now I come full circle back to the kids I am going to college with. Am I really all that surprised? We have parents rewarding children for doing nothing, throwing temper tantrums, and doing wrong. We are teaching our children to make excuses for their actions rather than take responsibility and learn from them. Quit making excuses for your children, you are only hurting them not helping them. Let them learn through loss and mistakes, otherwise you could be limiting their ability to be a productive member of society.
By
Carey Stabenau
